well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
