We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
