her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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