if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
