Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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