I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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