Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
