she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
