R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
