1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
