So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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