I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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