mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
