I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
