It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
