so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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