well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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