so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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