i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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