she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
