so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
