if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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