Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
