left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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