May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
