Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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