Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
