I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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