tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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