Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
