its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
