Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
