Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
