Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
