I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
