Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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