no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
