if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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