Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why do cheetos always look like penises
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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