Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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