You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
