you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
