Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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