I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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