I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
