well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
