I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
