Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
