so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
