the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
