U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
