i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
