take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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